You want to do what?!?.....

...That was the response I expected when I went to the running store for shoes.
     Let me back up though. My oldest had been talking about running for a few weeks, remember how I said he doesn't forget? So I started researching online. Running shoes are complicated. The other problem, they are super bright flashy colors. In my mind I was thinking... as if seeing me try to run wasn't enough to draw attention, let's add neon colored shoes.  After looking at diagrams and reading articles and blogs about running and shoes, I had a pair in mind that i thought would work for me and searched all over town. Everywhere I went didn't carry that shoe and the people kept reffering me to a local running store. I was trying to avoid that....at all cost.

   So I finally decide to bite the bullet and go. I had one night that my husband would be home for awhile after work for me to go. Now, I should have considered that I would go straight from work when I chose my outfit for work. That day I chose to wear a long flowy skirt. So here I am in my skirt and my over weight, out of shape body walking into the running store. A super peppy greeter meets me at the door and inquired about how they could help me. I explain, sheepishly, that I want to start a couch to 5k program with my son. She smiled and reassured me that my plans and goals weren't silly or unobtainable.  This was defintely not the reaction I was expecting! So she explained the process and sat me on a bench to wait for my fitter.

My fitter was super supportive. She measured my feet. I stood on a scale looking thing that measured how I apply pressure on my feet. She watched me walk back and forth with my skirt hiked up so she could see my legs, feet and ankles.  Then she brought out several different styles and brands, none of which were super flashy!  I tried them out, walked around and narrowed it down to the ones I was leaning towards. I put them on and we went outside to run on the sidewalk outside the store.  I picked the shoe I was happiest with so she brought me back to the bench and I switched fitters to finish up. They have additional insoles that offer different support for your foot for running. The new fitter put one of those insoles in my left shoe and left the other at it's base. So back out we went. She told me how far to go and come back. I started running, still having my skirt hiked up, concentrating really hard on my feet, the feel, thinking about positives and negatives. I noticed I was getting to the point where I was supposed to turn around. As I started to turn, I planted my right foot wrong and my foot rolled underneath me causing me to fall. Lovely! Large girl running in shoes she hasn't bought yet, wearing a skirt is now face down on the ground with a throbbing foot. Now, the thing about me is when these kind of things happen...I tend to faint, it goes along with my narcolepsy. So I am sitting there trying to distract myself about the pain because if I passed out I was certain they would call an ambulance!!!  Needless to say, I felt like this was an omen. Maybe I shouldn't even do this!!!  They took great care of me until I felt ok enough to finish up my shopping experience. I decided to buy the shoes because if I allowed myself to use the fall as an excuse, I knew i would never take any other steps forward for my health and wellness.

The next morning my oldest and I got up and started the app. Couch to 5k name gives you the impression you can go from sitting on the couch to running a 5k, which overtime I am sure you can. However, I decided after trying it several days there needs to be a pre couch to 5k app. I am nowhere near able to tolerate even the short 90 sec bursts of running that the app calls for the first day. So for now I briskly walk a track near my home and hope in the next week to run the curves and walk the straights. Then maybe I can give the app another chance!!!

I highly recommend our local running store if you are thinking about running, trying to run or even walking with the intent to run (like me!). They are genuinely nice and supportive of all those who are interested in running! Definitely made me feel welcome! Kudos Running Central!

Overweight and Under-rested

When I was in highschool I had marching band practice every morning before school and every afternoon after school. Several days a week after band practice I went to work. Saturdays were consumed with competitions and Sunday was filled with church, family time and youth group. When band was done, i participated in pep band for basketball and was a cheerleader of sorts for wrestling. By the time those were over it was marching band season again. In between practices and work, I kept up with school work. I was tired and frequently napped. I could nap on the bus headed to or from competitions or meets. I could nap on Sunday afternoon while reading a book. Pretty much, I could nap anytime, anywhere, in almost any position. Classroom time was particularly difficult if it wasn't an interactive class.  I started getting in the habit of bringing snacks and soda to my classes. I found that if I ate I could stay awake.

My college life was similar. I would take snacks and soda to keep me awake. Often times I would nap when i got done with classes for the day. I would complain about it from time to time but everyone seemed to think it was normal due to taking classes and working full time.  I talked with my doctor about it once but he told me I was fat and if I lost some weight I would feel better. Then we started having kids, so naturally I am going to be tired. Work full time, nursing school, and a kiddo, no wonder i was tired, right?

Well, after my husband starting having some health issues arise, I became really disatisfiedwith our primary care doctor. I found a wonderful doctor who listened to me and offered things we could look into that could be contributing to how tired i felt. We looked into thyroid issues, that work up was normal. So he suggested I go to a sleep medicine doctor. So I went. I had a sleep study done and it said that I have obstructive sleep apnea. My neck was so thick that when I sleep I stop breathing for periods of time, disrupting my sleep. So I got a cpap machine and wore it religiously. For the first few weeks i felt great, but slowly i returned to my pre cpap levels of daytime sleepiness. It had gotten to the point that I could fall asleep at my desk typing my notes and I was concerned about my job. So the sleep doctor suggested a nap test. So i went back during the day and they had me take a series of naps. They were monitoring how quickly i fell asleep and what stages of sleep I was in. This is the test that indicated I have narcolepsy.

It is amazing to me how much compensating i did with food and soda to make it through. In hind sight, i probably should have discussed things with my parents and doctor as a teenager but i didn't.

Now that i have the aid of medication to help me stay awake and my new favorite pink drink, I have more energy, sleep better and don't need nearly as much caffiene to survive the day.

Getting more rest and having more energy is helping me with pushing forward with healthy changes. Getting up early to go walk (with the intent to run) isn't as difficult as in years past. Still not consistent but trying and slowly making process. That's why this is a journey, right?

The "D" word

...you know the word... DIET. Blah!  The word just screams things like restrictions, limits, and other negative under tones.  Food is good. I like the taste of food. It seems contradictory, I want to lose weight but I don't want to give up food! My thinner, healthier friends always say "all things in moderation." Yes, well my moderation center is nonfunctional. I mean if it tastes good, I generally want more and so i have hard time saying no to seconds or desserts. Anyone with me?

My other problem is my need for instant gratification. If I work out all week and eat salads and deprive myself of sweets then i better see some changes in my body or weight. Then when I don't see changes, I give up. I mean why torture myself for nothing? My will to lose weight and be healthy is overtaken by my cravings for sweets, salty snacks and soda.

I tried weight watchers once. I had good sucess at first but then those cravings kicked in and i figured out how to "work the system" so that i stayed within my points but could still eat sweets and other junk food.  Sort of defeats the purpose right? I tried counting carbs and calories. I researched and tried fad diets like Atkins or south beach. Again, with little success and strict rules and guidelines I gave up. I just want to be able to eat, enjoy my food and be happy all while dropping some weight and having more energy. Am I really asking too much?!?!

I am also a huge skeptic of weight loss products. If it has taken years of poor food choices, and  not much excercise to get to this point, then it makes sense to me that it will take time to get the weight off. Many of my friends have used all sorts of different products and tried to get me to try too. They are generally expensive and require giving up one or more meal a day or taking lots of pills with the promise of weight loss. Then along came plexus.

Plexus has changed this weight loss game for me. A girl I work with started using it and was feeling better all around. She had more energy and slept better. I listened to her explanations and smiled politely. I went to her site and looked at the prices. Another product that is an investment financially. I have 4 kids to feed on tight grocery budget, how could I even entertain the idea of this product? This coworker was flooding my facebook with success stories and pictures. I kept thinking, If the pictures are real, they are impressive results. She talked me into a 3 day trial. I went into it expecting nothing. I mean i am really skeptical of these things. I researched the ingredients on my own and found they are indeed all natural. Since I expected nothing, I didn't take measurements before starting the drink.  A drink, thats all it is. You mix it in water and drink prior to eating. Then you go on about your day, eating a normal balanced diet.  At the end of the first day she called to check in. I didn't think I felt any different but then I realized that it was after 4 and I had only had 1 soda and didn't open the girl scout cookies I had brought for my afternoon sugar craving. Huh! By the end of the second day I noticed I had to remind myself to eat, I was craving water, I was in a better mood, I had more patience with my kids and I truly had no desire for sweets. What? No sweets? I was hooked! I took my measurements that night.  At the end of the three days, I discussed my feelings about this product with my husband. He supported my desire and challenged me to track my progress.

After a week, I  remeasured myself. I had lost 3.5 inches in my waist, 1/2 inch from both thighs, 1/2 inch from my neck and 1.5 inches from my bust. But the hightlight of it all? My in laws had bought me a beautiful diamond necklace for Christmas. On Christmas day I couldn't get it on, but now i can. My measurement day is wednesday....today. This is week 2 so stay tuned for the progress.

If you want to learn more about plexus, check out my page "My Pink Drink".

Innocent question becomes a challenge

My oldest, who is just a few months shy of the big 1-0, asked me a question that has become my personal challenge.

 He has had a rough time with school since pre-k. We were blessed to get him moved to a more supportive learning environment this year and have seen amazing things. In the fall he participated in mileage club. At recess the kids run a defined course around the playground and earn miles. He loved to brag about his accomplishments! During the winter it wasn't continued due to indoor recess. Now with a new principal it was decided to not resume mileage club. He was really upset as it was a good outlet for him and gave him a sense of belonging and goals to work toward.

Mid winter he asked me if he could run at home. We don't live somewhere that I feel comfortable giving him boundaries and letting him go out on his own. I expressed my concerns about this to him. His response: "Can you run with me?"

Yikes!!!! Me???? RUN?!?!?!?? I told him we could talk more about it once the weather warmed up. This child doesn't forget anything so I knew I had better develop a plan. I love that he looks at me with pure love, says I am beautiful and has no doubt that I can run with him. I had already contemplated changes in my life and routine. I desire to be healthy. I have set a personal goal to complete a sprint triathlon before 35 comes.
So I did some research, got professionally fit for shoes (a funny story i will share later) and downloaded a couch to 5 k program. Last week I let him know we would start slow and go 3 days a week in the morning together.  After a week, i do more walking than running but i try, I am sore but energized and love the connection I have with my oldest son!

Thanks for the confidence and challenge buddy!

Reflections

When I think about losing weight, I become overwhelmed.  Then my mind wanders and I ask myself the question.. How did I get here??? I mean I have always been a "bigger" girl but how did it get out of control?? I think it is worthwhile to review those moments that helped create the voice in our heads, positive and negative, that have shaped who we are and how we think of ourselves.
For me the begining of those moments was in fourth grade. I got my hair cut short and conviced my mom not to make me wear a dress on the first day of school. I was starting at a new school that year, I didn't really know anyone yet. There was a boy in my class named Brandon...and my name is Brandie... and since my hair was short (boy cut short) she was constantly calling me Brandon. Silly, I know but it seemed to me I must not be pretty if she couldn't tell I was a girl and not a boy. Now as a grown up, who mixes her kids names up all the time, I realize it was just a mix up..but it still made its mark.  Later that same year a few girls got together and decided to pull a prank on me for Valentine's Day.  For a week they left little gifts and notes with clues to who my secret admirer was. I was convinced it was a boy I was crushing on only to discover at the end of the week it was a group of girls who had deliberately chosen clues about themselves to make it look like it was my crush.  I was devestated and again a mark of low self worth was left.
Junior high was full of moments that left me feeling ugly and lacking in confidence but i had a core group of friends who supported me. I took on sort of the goodie goodie wallflower persona.  I got involved in band and choir. Junior high was also the first time that food wasn't chosen for you for lunch.  I learned pretty quickly what ala cart items i could get and still have some money left to get candy at the concession stand after school. Let the poor food choices begin!!  In addition to poor food choices, I wasn't exactly an active kid. I rode my bike some, i played softball until i aged out of the church league and failed to make the jr high team but for the most part I studied and read books. By the time i got to highschool I was a size 14. During high school, I was in marching band, which kept me active enough to not let my food choices catch up with me. My high school had block schedule which meant I was in class for an hour and a half.  I began having trouble staying awake ( I wouldn't discover until after I was 30 that this was because I have Narcolepsy). So of course I had snacks and soda in class to keep me going. I was good at a lot of things and got good grades but never felt like I was great at anything. I never really developed good self confidence. I had a few boyfriends and those also left marks of poor self worth and created my eating for comfort and to feel better problem!
In college, I decided to redefine myself. I went far enough away from home that no one would know me and I could reinvent myself. I continued, though, to not eat well..fast food, junk food and of course soda! During this time I met the man who would become my husband. He has always and will always love me no matter what. God truly blessed me with him and his love!!
Between freshmen 15, poor choices in food, eating for comfort due to lack of confidence and poor self worth, marriage, 4 babies, 2 degrees requiring long classes and late nights of studying (read junk food eating and soda drinking) and a lifetyle that doesn't include excersize....its pretty clear how I got here... so the next question is.... What am I going to do about it?

Baby steps

I have alway loved butterflies. I love to watch them. I have alway been facinated by the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly. When i got married i had butterflies on my dress, shoes and as my jewlery, it was symbolic to me of transforming from a young single woman to a wife. I have had other transformations along the, way like becoming a mother. Now I am beginning a journey towards health, lightness in life and spirit and finding joy in everyday life.
I have struggled with my weight and self image for as long as i can remember.  Internally, i have called myself all sorts of names before others had a chance. Outloud i make fun of my weight and laugh it off. I have tried lots of things, but  when it comes right down too it I had never decided i was ready to change. Now, finally at 33, i am ready... and starting with baby steps. Small changes, little additions of excercise, and a big change of heart!  Follow along the journey with me. Maybe some one will find inspiration as i have found through many others!